Sorry QWERTY. It can’t go on like this. One of us has to go.
It’s not going to be quick. It’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to be pretty And it’s not going to be me.
Don’t take it personally. You served your purpose. You stopped typewriter keys from jamming. In 1873. So thanks for that.
How can I put this? You just don’t make sense anymore. You’re like the alphabet after a 3-day bender. And when you don’t make sense, I don’t make sense. Am I making sense?
Look at it this way: You’ve had an amazing run. For an inconvenient design flaw, you’ve survived, nay, thrived thru 5 evolutions of your species. You’re more than mere legend, baby, you’re a mutant master meme.
Let’s not forget what I put into the relationship. My dogged persistence. My unquestioning dedication. The months of typing classes. The years of striving, hoping, yearning… That one day, I would finally understand your crazy, mixed up ways. That I’d stop having to look at the keys. That I’d use all 10 fingers some day. That the only times I’d hit CAPS LOCK would be intentional.
Nor what I had to suffer thru: The twitches, the spasms, the aches, the pains, The crippling carpal tunnel syndrome.
Sure I made mistakes. Lot’s of them. They’re called typos. And I’d always blame myself. It was never you, was it?
Alright. You better go. Godspeed. Mind the step.